


The Highlights and Low Fires

by Chychyd



Category: Saturday Night Live
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, M/M, Married Life, Mild Sexual Content, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 16:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chychyd/pseuds/Chychyd
Summary: “I have never not loved you, Seth Meyers. And that’s not gonna change.”Excerpts from the life and trials of Seth Meyers and Stefon Zolesky-Meyers. Set 2012-2018.





	The Highlights and Low Fires

**Author's Note:**

> I had a bunch of blurbs written for these two that I could never find an ending to so I figured why not put them ALL in one fic and start back at square one?! pls dont hate me for this mess of a fic okok thx <3

October 2011.

“How many times have you been in love?” He asks. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t speak of love when it’s just sex. Love makes things complicated. Sex is.. sex is easy. It’s so incredibly easy to do- for them to do, why would he ever dream of messing it up? But here he is, always the fool.

 

There’s a pause, of course. The air feels damp and heavy but they just fucked so everything is a little damp and both of them feel pretty heavy. Seth lets out a breath that is somewhere between a sigh and a yawn and lets his fingers trace up and down Stefon’s skin so lightly.

 

“Not enough times to know better, apparently.”

 

 

 

////////

 

 

May 2012.

A low moan made its way out of Stefon’s throat as Seth went to work on his neck. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into the faux news anchor tonight, but whatever it was, Stefon was the receiving end of it and he was loving every second of the unusual behavior. Usually, Seth would have made a b-line for the bedroom and let nature take its course from there -but not tonight. Tonight, Seth had Stefon against every solid surface, stopping to kiss and bite and grope in ways he would normally only do when Stefon has spent copious amounts of time over a solid few days getting a rouse out of his boyfriend via suggestive text messages and flirty looks -not always directed at him but they work either way.

But tonight was an anomaly. Stefon couldn’t recall anything he had purposely done to make Seth Meyers jealous and there hadn’t been much foreplay leading up to this sudden lustful outburst but Stefon could barely think with all the stimulation he was getting right now. 

“What has gotten into you tonight, Seth Meyers?” Stefon gasped out. He let out a squeal as Seth physically lifted him up onto the countertop. 

“I want you.” Seth growled against Stefon’s skin as his shirt was being pulled over his head.

Stefon let out a playful, beautiful, breathy laugh. “I can tell.” Seth squeezed Stefon’s thighs before yanking him forward by his hips, meeting Seth’s very prominent bulge. Seth raked his short nails across every bit of Stefon’s skin that he could. Stefon was becoming lost in all the stimulation, lust clouding nearly every bit of his senses.

Stefon pulled back just a bit, needing not only an explanation, but also a moment to cool down. “Seth Meyers, tell me this instant why you are kissing me like it’s the last time you’re ever gonna fuck me.” It would have sounded whiny and harsh if it hadn’t been that Stefon had a smile so wide it looked lethal, no shirt, and was already covered in many pink spots that were bound to still be around later. 

Seth smiled easily and smoothed his palms up Stefon’s thighs. He reached up and gently caressed his lover’s face in one hand while running his other through Stefon’s very messy hair. Stefon leaned into the light touches, taking Seth’s hand and kissing his palm. Seth opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out because in that second Stefon decided to wrap his warm mouth around Seth’s thumb, successfully short-circuiting Seth’s brain. Stefon released it with a  _ POP  _ and gave Seth a signature, devilish smile. 

“Because,” Seth gently ran his moist thumb over Stefon’s swollen, red bitten lips. “What if it  _ is  _ the last time I ever get to fuck you?”

Stefon wanted to be a smart ass and ask where he thinks either one of them are going or reassure the beautiful man in front of him that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon but he couldn’t help the overwhelming emotion that had Stefon literally throwing himself at Seth, latching onto the older man’s lips and wrapping his legs around his waist. 

“Promise me,” Stefon gasped out, now in bed with his arms pinned above his head. “Promise me it won’t be the last.”

Seth smiled wickedly and then kissed Stefon oh so softly. “I promise. This time won’t be the last or in ten minutes when we do it again or even after you’re so tired you don’t know if you’ll ever get it up again.” Seth went back to teasing Stefon in the most delicious ways. “I’ll be right there to fuck you again and again and again.” He enunciated each ‘again’ with a lick or a bite, getting beautiful noises out of the wrecked man under him.   
  


 

 

 

////////

 

 

 

March 2013.

“You know what, Stefon? This is exactly why none of your other relationships ever work out. You won’t just grow the fuck up.”

“Excuse me?”

“ _ Oh poor Ste-fon! He can’t control what comes out of his mouth. He has a drug problem. He’s just misunderstood. _ No. Your problem is that you won’t get ahold of yourself and grow up, Stefon. We all have to stop drinking our lives away and be adults at some point.”

They’re hovering around somewhere between the bedroom and the kitchen and Seth can’t even remember why they started fighting in the first place. Stefon has finally stopped storming around and is actually facing Seth with a look like someone just told him the tooth fairy isn’t real for the first time.

“Oh, you think I want to be like this? You think I want to be strung out all the time and not know what’s coming out of my mouth until I’ve already said it? You fucking think that I like following you around in hopes that you’ll just become accustomed to my fuckery? You, Seth Meyers, mister fucking golden-boy-Weekend Update-wanna be news anchor-asshole, think that I don’t want to grow up. You don’t know shit, Seth Meyers. Do you know how many jobs I worked before I started Update? No. Because you never asked. Do you know why I started doing drugs in the first place? No. Do you know why I dropped out of college? NO. You don’t know shit about me. All you know is I made you feel good about yourself. I got your dick wet, I made you all excited and curious so you decided to keep fucking with me until I got attached. You know what else does that? Cocaine. So don’t think for a second you’re any different from the rest of my bad habits. You’re just easier to quit.”

Seth didn’t know what to say. He stood there blank, mouth half hung open, just blinking while Stefon took two heavy and fast breaths and clenched his jaw tight, tears threatening to spill over those beautiful blue eyes. Then Stefon just turned and walked out of the apartment. Seth knew he should chase him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get his feet to move because it felt like everything was crumbling down around him. He fell so fast and so hard for Stefon Zolesky he forgot what it was like to breathe without Stefon sharing the air. 

Seth hadn’t seen Stefon for nearly two months after that fight. He had no clue where he had went, all Seth knew is that one day he came home from work and all Stefon’s miscellaneous belongings were gone from Seth’s apartment. His shoes were missing from by the door, the jacket here and shirt there were missing, the dozen or two hand written notes that were posted around the apartment, some being friendly from their early days on Update and some recent, filled with love and colorful euphemisms, gone from their places tacked on the wall or stuck to the fridge. It left the apartment looking as empty as Seth felt without Stefon in his life.

When Seth walked into 30Rock on that Wednesday in May, he was prepared for someone to hover around his doorway and politely ask if he had any ideas for this weeks Weekend Update. He knew Stefon had been scheduled to come on this week and it was no secret in studio 8H that they had broken up. But instead, Seth walked into the room for the table read and was met with a cold silence. When he looked up from the scripts in his hand, the tall man with slick highlighted bangs instantly caught his attention. The air caught in his throat and for a second, and he almost forgot there were other people in the room. Seth quickly swallowed down the rock that felt like it had lodged itself in the base of his throat and took the first seat open. He didn’t concentrate on the entire meeting because he was too busy trying to smooth the wrinkles out of his clothes or remember the last time he properly shaved his more than stubbly face.

And of course, at the end of the meeting, Lorne asked them to stay. Neither had spoken to each other, or given more than a glance in the other’s direction.

“So, is this going to work?” Lorne gestured between the two, Seth sat at one end of the table and Stefon on the other.

“Of course, Lorne Michaels! Stefon is glad to be back!” Stefon’s voice -far more chipper than Seth expected- sent a mixture of emotions through Seth. The hair on his arms stood up and he felt his heartbeat quicken.

“Yeah, Lorne.” Seth cleared his throat to mask the crack in his voice. “We’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Good. If not, we need to know soon so we can get someone else to fill in, okay?”

Both men nodded in agreement and then just like that Lorne was gone, leaving Seth and Stefon alone in the room. Seth could feel the tension between them. It was heavy and dense and almost felt magnetic. The way it always did to be around Stefon. Seth was drawn to him, always. Even when he shouldn’t be. Seth breathed for a moment as he prepared himself to turn around and confront those light blue eyes that he knew he made cry just a couple months ago.

“Goodbye, Seth Meyers. See you on Saturday.”

And then Stefon was gone.

Seth watched the door fall close behind him and took a moment to try to regain his senses. Stefon’s cologne filled Seth’s nostrils as it lingered behind Stefon like a memory. Seth tried to blame the smell for the way his eyes stung. It was allergies, is what he told people when they asked why his eyes were rimmed red for most of the afternoon. Only Amy saw through his facade, or at least was the only one who was vocal about it, as she entered his office without so much as a knock and made herself comfortable on the couch.

“Hi Amy. What do I owe this pleasure?” Seth asked without looking up from his work. He knew why she was there. They had a connection like that, neither really needed to say something to know what the other was thinking, they just knew. In a different life, they probably could have been good together.

“How are you and Stefon supposed to have a normal, fun, flirty five to seven minute conversation if you can’t even look at each other or be alone in the same room?”

Seth sighed, “Amy-”

“No. I’m serious, Seth. it’s one thing that y’all are broken up because the viewers didn’t know you had actually gotten together but you’re not a good enough actor to pretend like you’re going to be okay up there.”

He wanted to take offense to that, but he knew he couldn’t. He was never that great of an actor but he still knew how to get the laughs when he needed to.

It was quiet for a moment, Seth thinking of what to say and Amy waiting for him to say it. Again, Seth sighed. “I’m.. I’m afraid if I don’t do this, if I get someone else for Update this week, that’ll be it. We’ll never get to be Seth and Stefon again.”

“So you think if you get back up there and pretend like everything is fine, it just will be by the end of the segment?”

“No, no, of course not. I just don’t know what else to do. I’m not ready to let him go, Amy.”

They moved to conversation out of the office. It felt too small and and cramped and held far too many memories to hold all the emotions Seth was feeling right now. They were currently walking through Central Park, Seth sipping a coffee and Amy a tea. The early May air was finally beginning to warm up, spring now in full bloom, relieving them from winter's harsh rein. “You haven’t talked to him, by chance, have you?” Seth asked, already knowing the answer.

Amy shook her head. “You know I’d tell you if I did.” Seth sighed and nodded. “But you gotta talk it out with him, Seth.”

“Have you and Will talked it out yet?” Seth knew it was a cheap shot. He regretted it as soon as it left his mouth.

“You know that’s different. Will and I have kids. It’s not just a matter of difference anymore.” Amy’s tone was drier than before but Seth knew better than to push that subject much further.

“I’ve tried to talk to him before. I’ve called and sent texts and emails and left notes on his door. But I really fucked it up. I just want to take it all back. He is so much more than I ever gave him credit for. He deserves better than me but I don’t want to live the rest of my life without getting to tell him that. He needs to know that he’s perfect the way he is. I thought I wanted to change him but I just want him.” Seth’s voice cracked on the last word, tears stinging his eyes again.

“Is that how you really feel? Or is that just how you want him to think you feel?”

“You know what I feel? I feel like since he left a part of me is physically missing. I feel like I’m walking around with a missing arm or only one ear. I feel like everything I’m doing doesn’t even matter because he isn’t there to share it with me. I feel like a fucking zombie. I feel things I didn’t know I could feel. I’m so fucking angry all the time because I don’t even remember why we were fighting to begin with. Stefon is-is- Stefon is a fucking angel, okay. He is a six foot tall, blue eyed, coked up angel and I love him so goddamn much because he is so much more than what everyone else sees.” The tears were falling freely at this point and he was walking ahead of Amy, monologuing to the entirety of Central Park and everyone who is listening. 

“He is kind and caring and brave and so so fucking sweet. He walks down the street or into a building or just waltzes into the middle of the street and he doesn’t care what anyone has to say or what anyone thinks. He has only ever cared about one thing and that is my happiness. Since we started working together he just wanted to impress me and he has always succeeded. And what have I done? I make him feel like everything he has done isn’t good enough.” Seth plopped down on a bench, wiping tears from his face. “He’s perfect, Amy. I want him back and I want to make him feel like the most important man on earth.”

“You promise?”

Seth chuckled into his wet hands. “Yes! Yes I fucking promise I want to love him and care for him for literally forever.”

Amy’s phone made a little bleep noise as she stopped recording. She hit save and slipped the phone back in her pocket before Seth could realize she had it out in the first place. Amy had a plan and one way or another she was going to get Seth and Stefon back together.

 

 

 

///////

 

 

 

May 2013.

“You are,” Stefon traced Seth’s face with his finger, “the sweetest soul I have ever seen.” He ended the sentence by lightly tapping the end of Seth’s nose.

“What do you mean?” He asked, giggling as the light touches tickled his face. They were so close Seth couldn’t even look at Stefon’s whole face without going cross eyed, so he looked around it. At his eyes and then his cheeks and then his mouth -subconsciously pulling his own bottom lip in because all he really wanted right now was Stefon  _ -his Husband’s _ \- lips back on his own.

Stefon ran a hand through Seth’s hair and cradled the side of his face that wasn’t against the pillow. Seth melted into it. “You’re more than just a pretty face, Seth Meyers.”

Seth laughed out loud and closed the space between their lips for a quick moment. “Well, Thank you, Stefon Meyers. I’m glad to know you didn’t just marry me for my pretty face.”

And that’s how they fell asleep; only inches apart, limbs worn out and bodies peacefully sated. Their rings still felt foreign on their fingers, Seth’s gold and traditional, Stefon’s black with silver detailing. They were small weights that were constant reminders to them that this was all in fact, real. That they had actually went down to the courthouse the afternoon after that fateful Saturday night. Seth’s parents and brother had hopped on the first flight there and luckily, David had still been there for what was sure to be the correct ceremony this time. They had spent that morning picking out the rings and had basically went straight to the courthouse from there.

The Meyers-Zolesky family all went out for lunch afterwards and Seth’s parents welcomed David to the family just as they had with Stefon when Seth had introduced him as “just a friend from work” They found that David and Josh not only had plenty to talk about, but also found they had crossed paths before in L.A without even realizing it through film and tv projects.

“So where is the honeymoon?” Seth’s mom asked as they talked and laughed, the air wonderfully light and joyful.

Seth and Stefon looked at each other for a moment before looking back at their family, waiting. “We.. hadn’t really thought about it… Where would you like to go Stefon?”

Stefon looked towards the ceiling and mimed stroking a beard for a few moments before a wide grin spread on his face. “You’ve never taken me to Amsterdam.”

Seth’s smile equaled Stefon’s in width, “Amsterdam it is!” He quickly pecked his new husband on the lips, wishing to do more but courteous of their company. 

So tomorrow they would fly to Amsterdam and probably get super stoned and go see all the places Seth loves and go to crazy underground raves Stefon would sure find out about before they’d even make it to the hotel. 

But tonight, tonight they lied in bed, sleep wanting to take over but neither wanting to take their eyes off the other. They were married. They did it. It was something neither of them would have thought they’d ever do. Seth, of course, always pictured himself getting married. Just not like this, not in a courthouse with only their immediate family the morning after stopping the man he loves from marrying someone else on live television. Not like that at all. But it had been perfect

-all of it. And that was what he had to learn; that things may not have gone the way Seth Meyers had ever imagined but god damn, was it ever the most perfect string of events that could have happened to him.

As Seth watched his husbands eyes start to close as he nodded off, his mind wandered. He wondered what it was about Anderson Cooper that made Stefon run to him, and why he would consider marrying him after only being together for no more than a couple of weeks. He looked down at his bruised knuckles and thought to himself that if he had to punch a hundred Anderson Cooper’s or shove through thousands of Jewpids and human traffic cones, he gladly would. As long as it meant Stefon was his to hold for as long as they both shall live. 

Seth thought about why they broke up in the first place; their childish insecurities and lack of decent communication causing a whirlwind of problems that had Stefon storming out of the apartment and not answering Seth’s calls for days on end. But Seth knew better now. And most importantly, he wanted to be better, for Stefon. 

“Hey Stefon?” Seth whispered, wondering if his husband was still awake.

“Mm?” Stefon hummed, his eyes still closed.

“If I fuck up again, promise not to try to marry anyone else. Promise to talk to me next time?”

A lazy grin spread on Stefon’s face and an arm snaked around Seth’s waist and pulled him closer.

“Promise.” Stefon sleepily mumbled out. “Not gonna marry anyone else. Jus’ you.”

 

*

 

Stefon was unconventional, that was obvious. Unconventional, unpredictable, unhinged in most situations. But those were all parts of Stefon that made him so special. It was all parts Seth fell in love with. 

But this

This was just nuts.

But god, Seth was loving it just too fucking much.

Stefon hadn’t stopped touching Seth since the moment they said “I Do.” yesterday, but neither minded one bit. They were attached by one appendage or another, hands intertwined, lips to lips, lips to skin, hand to skin, skin on skin, you see where this is going. So it wasn’t surprising to Seth what was happening, just a little  _ distracting _ . 

“Stefon, you’re going to leave a giant hickey for all of the JFK airport to see.” Seth commented as they drove to the airport. They were going to just take a cab, but Stefon rambled on about a Zolesky superstition about having someone else drive you to the airport if you’re going to be leaving the country. Seth was 99% sure he just made it up, but he really didn’t mind. The more alone time he could spend with his new husband, the better. 

“Good.” Stefon growled against Seth’s neck. “Then everyone will know you’re officially taken.”

Seth chuckled, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as Stefon nibbled on the sensitive skin. “You don’t think they’ll be able to tell that from the ring on my finger?” Stefon’s hand slid up Seth’s thigh. “Or the bulge in my pants I will definitely still have when we get there.” 

Stefon hummed and Seth could feel a wide smirk against his neck. “Well, why don’t I take care of that for you, Seth Meyers?”

“St-Stefon.” Seth stammered out as Stefon made quick work of the button and zipper on Seth’s jeans. “We are right in the middle of traffic.”

“Mhmm.”

“And and someone might see us.”

“I promised to stick with you and fix our problems together, Seth Meyers. I’m just being a good husband is all.”

-

“Come on, Stefon. Your hair looks fine!”

“You messed it all up! It’s never going to go back into place now.”

“Oh I am so sorry my hand messed up your hair while you insisted on sucking me off in the middle of traffic. I could have wrecked us you know.”

“You already look pretty wrecked, so it’s okay.” Stefon skipped ahead of Seth to check in their luggage.

 

////////

 

 

 

June 2014.

“You know, sometimes I wish he’d picked you” It stung coming out of his mouth, like he had to move glass out of the way to let the words go. His tongue felt too big for his mouth.

“What?”

Seth downed the rest of his drink and shook the ice to get the bartender's attention. “Sometimes I wish when I had burst into that church, Stefon would have told me to just go home. That I wasn’t good enough. ‘Cause I’m not.” The bartender sat down another cold glass of something brown and bitter in front of Seth.

“Seth, that’s ridiculous-”

Seth shook his head and let out a bitter chuckle, “No, Anderson, it’s not. “I’ve never been good enough and that’s the truth. I wish I was -fuck I wish I could be anywhere near what he deserves. I shouldn’t have taken him from you. He was probably better off with you all along.”

“And what makes you think that?” Anderson asks, genuinely curious. Part of him is hurting, just a little. Partly for Seth, partly for himself -still after all this time. Seth is feeling what Anderson went through after Stefon abandoned him at the altar. But, Anderson pitied him, in all honesty.

“Because you’re you.” Seth slurred. “You’re everything I wish I was and Stefon knew that. You go out there and you do real journalism. You put your neck out there and you talk about the important things. What do I do? Whine about politics and make half-assed jokes that I have someone else write for me?”

“Stefon said that?” Anderson asked, noticing the way Seth’s glass lightly trembled in his hand. Seth shook his head, letting it hang slightly. “What you and I do are two different things, Seth. Especially when you were still doing snl. You can’t compare the two.” Seth had opened his mouth to rebuttal but Anderson continued, “And you can’t compare what Stefon and I  _ had  _ to what you two  _ have _ . Stefon and I were on and off before you and him finally got together but it wasn’t love. Not for him at least..” He paused to take a swig of his beer.

“But you loved him?”

Anderson didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to meet the red rimmed, teary eyes of the man who stole away the man he loved and tell him he had loved that man more than he could explain. So he just nodded his head and stared down the neck of the green bottle, as if the bottom would tell him what to say. He heard Seth sigh heavy and the ice in his drink clink.

“I’m sorry.” It was a hoarse whisper, but it was genuine. 

“Don’t be. He never loved me the way he loved you.”  _ When did the air get so heavy? _ Anderson thought to himself.

“I keep questioning if he even does love me, to be honest.”

“He does.” Anderson’s head snapped up to face Seth. “God, he does.” There was a pause of just the two men taking it in before Anderson let out a breath. “Life’s a bitch, I tell you.” He took a final swig of his beer and looked down- no answers at the bottom. “You’re sitting here wondering if I was the right choice all along while I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out why it was you. But it’s always been you, Seth. I was a stand-in, is all. I’m sure he never meant any harm; Stefon couldn’t hurt someone if he tried, he’s just so-”

“Good.”

“Yeah.” Anderson breathed. “He’s just so damn good. He wanted you but I wanted him and so he settled. But that didn’t stop his feelings. Every year he got closer and closer to you and I saw it. I watched every Weekend Update. I heard the way he answered the phone when he saw it was you. But I held on, too hard for too long. That was my fault. So when he came running to me, when you guys had split up last year, I proposed. Right away with no hesitation because I wanted him so damn bad.” Anderson couldn’t make the word vomit stop. If they were sharing their feelings at this empty bar on the lower west side, then Seth was going to hear all Anderson’s feelings. “I promised him that he would be loved and taken care of. I promised him all sorts of things. Anything that would have gotten him to stay, anything that felt like something you would do.”

“Anderson I-”

Anderson shook his head. “Like I said, he never really loved me, Seth. He loved you- loves you.” So why are you drinking your feelings here when you could be with the man who loves you?”

Both men sat in silence for a moment. Seth traced the wood grain of the bar with his finger, hoping it would contain some secret braille message that would tell him what to say to the man who loved the man he loves. The man who he knew was right, even if every bit of his ego didn’t want him to be. Anderson read the label on his empty beer bottle before letting out a sigh and dropping some money down on the bar. He stood up and grabbed his coat.

“All I’m saying, is I don’t know everything -hell, I haven’t spoken to Stefon since that night. But he has loved you for as long as I’ve known him so I can’t imagine that changing now. I don’t know why you’re hurting but I know he is too. So go home, Seth Meyers. For Stefon’s sake, go home.” Anderson patted Seth’s shoulder, giving it a stern squeeze before letting go. Seth only heard the bell on the door ring to signify that the news anchor had left.

When Seth stumbled home a little while later, still buzzing from the booze, he was surprised but relieved to find Stefon asleep in bed. After that fight, Seth was sure he would have been out getting wasted until he couldn’t remember that they fought and then stumble in the next morning and act like nothing had ever happened. That’s what usually happened and they had always thought it was easier that way. Time proved them to be wrong. It got harder and harder to pretend they had no problems. That they were still in that perfect honeymoon phase where nothing could possibly come between their undying love.

Seth shedded his clothes and slipped in bed behind his husband, wrapping an arm around his waist and tucking his face into Stefon’s warm neck. He breathed him in deeply. 

“You smell like Jack.” Seth almost jumped at Stefon’s voice. He wasn’t expecting him to still be up. “You only drink Jack when you’re really upset.” It was a fact not even Seth himself realized until he thought about it. Jack Daniels was good, but only good when he needed something that tasted kind of bad and burned going down. Stefon turned over to face Seth. There was a dim light coming through the curtains, just enough to make out the lines of their faces.

“I’m sorry.” Seth whispered. About coming home smelling like Jack, about the fight, about everything.

“Me too.” Stefon cupped his husband’s face and kissed him. One of them tasted like alcohol, the other like cigarettes covered up by minty toothpaste. It was familiar and perfect and for that moment, the world made sense again.

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you. It wasn’t right. I just get scared sometimes.”

“Scared about what?” Stefon was surprised. Seth was never the scared one, it was always Stefon. Stefon had always been terrified that Seth wouldn’t put up with his antics anymore. Scared that he could never be loved the way he loved Seth, scared that one day Seth would just walk away. But Seth had never been scared to yell at some asshole in the street, never been scared to get up in front of an audience and fail, he’s never seem scared of anything when he’s around Stefon.

“That one day you’re going to wake up and realize this was all a mistake.”

Stefon pulled Seth as close as he could get him, and when that didn’t feel close enough, he just climbed right on top of him. He wanted to physically crawl inside of Seth right now, but Stefon’s friend Joel who says he once took a biology class while under a foreign exchange students alias while running from the Turkish mob for stealing not one, but forteen loaves of bread from some fancy palace or something says that’s not possible and he would probably accidentally kill the love of his life in the process, so he settled for a position that looks inherently more sexual than the situation currently calls for. 

Stefon braced himself up on Seth’s chest, basically pinning him down. “This isn’t a mistake. It can’t be.” Stefon knew he was heavy, but also knew Seth needed the reminder.  _ I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. _

“What if one day you realize you miss your old life more than you like being married?”

“Seth Meyers, what have I ever had to give up to be with you? You’ve never forced me to do a damn thing our entire relationship. You’ve always given me the respect of my choice. That’s more than I could ever want.” Stefon bent down and kissed his husband again, feeling lighter and happier now that they were talking about their feelings instead of ignoring them. “What can I do to ease your fears?” 

Seth thought for a moment before looking up at Stefon through his eyelashes. “Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.” 

“Anything.”

Seth gulped before asking. “Why were you going to marry Anderson Cooper?” It was something they had silently agreed not to talk about long ago. But now felt like good of a time as any. Stefon’s face instantly changed and Seth regretted asking as soon as the question left his mouth.

“Oh.” Was all Stefon said.

“Shit. Sorry. Forget I asked-” Seth was suddenly very very sober.

“No. If it will make you feel better then we’ll talk about it.” Stefon was still firmly on top of Seth, not letting him or the topic go. Stefon took a deep breath before starting. “Short answer is, I don’t know. But obviously we both know that’s not it. I do a lot of stupid shit but I think when I said yes, I thought it was the smartest thing I could do. I was heartbroken and hurt and lonely but for the first time in my life when he had asked me to marry him, I thought ‘That’s it. That’s the start of getting my life together.’” 

Seth wanted to wince. It hurt more than he imagined to hear Stefon say marrying Anderson would have been the smart move, not the stupid, impulsive, drug-induced decision Seth imagined it to be.

“The entire time we weren’t together, I was focused on being better. I wanted to get clean and go back to school and get a steady job and Anderson was so encouraging. I thought I was doing it all for myself.” Stefon stroked Seth’s cheek, stubbly and rough and Stefon wondered why he didn’t shave this morning. “But I wanted to do it for you. I thought that’s what you wanted. I thought you wanted that perfect trophy boyfriend.” Seth scoffed which made Stefon smile. “Anderson pretended to like me for who I was. But he pushed for me to be the person he had always imagined for me. Even way before you and I were together, he offered to pay for my classes, go with me to AA meetings, stuff like that. But that wasn’t what I wanted. So when I thought that  _ was  _ what I wanted, he offered to take care of it all. To take care of me.” Stefon shrugged. “So I said yes.”

“It sounds like Anderson wanted what’s best for you. I sound like an enabler.” 

Stefon shook his head. “You love me for me, Seth Meyers. You wanting me the way I am makes me want to be a better person. You don’t have to push me to do it, I want to do it. I don’t feel like I need to be a squeaky clean alter boy for you. But with you I don’t  _ have  _ to drink to forget. I don’t  _ need  _ the drugs to feel good. I want to remember everything when I’m with you. You make me feel good all the time. Except when we fight but then we get to do this thing where we talk about our feelings and then we’re gonna fuck each other’s brains out because that’s what married couples do.” Stefon ended the monologue with a deep and passionate kiss. “I have never not loved you, Seth Meyers. And that’s not gonna change.”

“I wish I could go back and propose to you properly. I wish I had never made you feel unworthy.”

“I wouldn’t change a thing.” Stefon chirped while tossing his shirt off.

“Really?”

“Not to sound like my therapist or anything, but every decision we’ve ever made has lead us to this exact moment. And in this exact moment, I am happy and in love and about to make love to my very handsome husband and then I’m going to fuck him several more times before the night is over to make up for all the mean things that we said and then I’m going to fall asleep in his arms and nothing is ever going to be bad again. So yeah, I would never, ever change anything that happened in my whole life.”

“Your therapist really says all that?” Seth joked. Stefon swatted his chest before devouring his husbands lips with his own.

 

 

////////

 

 

February 2015.

It’s the little things, really. That’s what they don’t tell you about marriage or relationships in general. People make it seem like marriage is just about making great sacrifices and learning when not to argue. Sure, those things do happen but the one thing Seth and Stefon have both learned is that it’s the little things that make their relationship so great.

“Keep them closed!” Seth giggled, trying to keep his husband from running into every appliance in the kitchen. “Aaaanndd open!” Seth removed his hands from over Stefon’s eyes. It was silent for a solid moment.

“Is that.. An espresso machine?”

“Yes! I know you love the fancy espresso drinks you used to make and now you can have them at home and don’t have to leave the house or pay eight dollars for-” Stefon had his lips on Seth’s in seconds, lifting him up onto the island counter and pulling him close.

“You remembered! You remembered! I can’t believe you remembered.” Stefon gasped in between kisses.

“Of course I remembered! You know I always keep my promises.” Seth giggled.

“You know I’m basically your hooker now, right?”

“What?!” Seth squealed at the implication.

“Yesum! If I remember correctly, and I quote, “If you come over right now and let me fuck that pretty little-””

“ _ -Stefon _ !”

“-I’ll buy you an espresso machine.”

“Stefon that was like years ago, I was not paying you for sex, it was a joke.”

“But! I went allll the way to your work- in the middle of the day so you knew I was asleep- got my back all sorts of blown out on that lumpy ass couch, and now- espresso machine. Which means, my love, you paid your husband for sex.”

“That is not at all true.” Seth laughed but kissed Stefon before he could argue any further. The espresso machine was quickly forgotten.

 

 

 

////////

 

 

 

March 2018.

“I love thissss.” Stefon ran his hands along the sides of Seth’s head, messing up the hair above his ears. He did it a couple of more times, his hands meeting at the back of Seth’s head and tugged lightly at the gray and brown strands.

Seth giggled, adorably, as he does when Stefon is making him blush. “You’ve always loved my hair.” He stated, slightly confused as to why it was a new discovery.

“Yesss, but you stopped dying it. God, you look like such a dad now- I  _ love  _ it.” Stefon has never gotten tired of the way Seth’s hair feels in his fingers. It’s even softer since he stopped putting chemicals in it every six months. To be fair, Stefon still gets his highlights done every so often when he feels like spoiling himself. 

“Really? You don’t think it makes me look old?” Seth asked, humming at the way his husband’s nails felt against his scalp.

Stefon gasped. “Never! Seth Meyers, you are a literal dad with the body of a twink and I hate you for it. You deserve a little gray, okay? It’s only fair.”

“As long as my body is the only thing you hate me for.” Seth winked and pulled Stefon in for a kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm leaving this open to possibly add more to it later but I honestly have no clue when or if it will be updated haha pls don't hate me.
> 
> Also let me know what you think! I know it's not like my usual stuff so if you like it, let me know! and if you hate it well I guess let me know too haha


End file.
